Everyday we are “attacked” by social warfare tactics. It’s mostly harmless, because people are doing it without even being aware that they are. For others, their jobs depend on it. (ergo Sales people)
Unfortunately though, there are those who do it on purpose for selfish and often malicious purposes. It’s not always easy to pick up on, mainly because they have either studied it carefully or been employing to methods for quite some time.
Question…Are you aware that most of your decisions come from outward ques?
People especially. The way person’s face moves, the way they speak and even subtle body changes. Most of this we already knew, but do you know what tactics to be on the look out for?
The ones I am going to focus on in the blog are the conversational warfare type. Phrasings that get you to think or do what the other person wants you to.
Empathic statements keep the focus on the other person. Because people are typically focused on themselves, they feel good about themselves when others make them the center of attention. Empathic statements capture a person’s verbal message, physical status, or emotional feeling, and, using parallel language, reflects that verbal message, physical status, or emotional feeling back to that person. Avoid repeating back word for word what the person said. Parroting can sound patronizing and sometimes condescending. The basic formula for constructing empathic statements is “So you…” This basic formula keeps the focus on the other person and away from you. We naturally tend to say something to the effect, “I understand how you feel.” The other person automatically thinks, “No, you don’t know how I feel because you are not me.” The basic formula ensures that the focus of the conversation remains on the person you are talking to.
Asking a Favor
Ben Franklin observed that if he asked a colleague for a favor, the colleague liked him more than if he did not ask him for a favor. This phenomenon became known as the Ben Franklin Effect. At first glance, this seems counter-intuitive If you ask a person for a favor, you would think you would like the person more because they did you a favor; however, this is not the case. When a person does someone a favor, they feel good about themselves. The Golden Rule states that if you make a person feel good about themselves, they will like you. Asking someone to do you a favor is not all about you. It is all about the person doing you the favor. Do not overuse this technique because Ben Franklin also said, “Guests, like fish begin to smell after three days” (as do people who ask too many favors.)
Sense of Wonder
Introducing a sense of wonder in conversation or in the form of self-talk increases the probability of compliance. People typically want to tell others about their expertise. Introducing a sense of wonder takes advantage of this tendency. If you need help with a task, seek out a person with that skill and during the course of your conversation simple muse, “I’m working on this project and I am having some difficulties. I was wondering if you may have run into the same problem.” An expert in the field will have difficulty not volunteering his or her expertise to show their mastery of the topic. They may even offer their services to help you solve the problem. This creates the illusion that the expert is offering his or her expertise and not being requested to provide advice or free services.
Embedded commands contain direct requests but the requests are surrounded by command softeners. You can still issue commands; however, the key is to cleverly embed the command within a string of command softeners. The easiest technique to soften a command is to add the word “please” to your request. For example:Command: Wash your hands before eating dinner. Embedded Command: Please wash your hands before dinner. Sophisticated embedded commands can be constructed by using additional command softeners to the request. For example: Command: Fund my project. Embedded Command: After reading my proposal, the only conclusion that I think you can come to is to fund my project.
Construct your request with the presumption that the person to whom you are making the request has already completed the task. The presumptive gives the illusion of commitment where no commitment has been made. Most people will accept an implied commitment and will feel an obligation to complete the task. Instilling a sense of urgency to the request will increase the probability of compliance. Adding implied incentives to the presumptive further increases the probability of compliance. The incentive may look like a bribe, but incentives serve as a reward for good behavior. Rewards increase the probability of future compliance. Rewards do not have to be issued upon the completion of all requests. In fact, rewards are more effective when they are issued intermittently. The following examples illustrate the presumptive technique.Example One Mom: After you rake the yard, why don’t we go out and get an ice cream sunday. Child: Okay! Example Two Dad: Why don’t you rake the leaves (handing a rake to his child) and I’ll bag them. Child: Okay. Example Three Salesperson: After we close this deal, where do you want to have dinner? Client: I know of a nice restaurant nearby.
There is only one tactical principle which is not subject to change. It is to use the means at hand to inflict the maximum amount of wound, death, and destruction on the enemy in the minimum amount of time. ~George S. Patton
Examples taken from Psychology Today.com